my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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