It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
