And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
