we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
