She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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