At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
