I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
