We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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