So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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