We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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