Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
