I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
