please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
