Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
