So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize