The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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