First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
