Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
