I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
