A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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