Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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