they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right