I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
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Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story