using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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