Pappa wants mamma naked
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just high enough for therapy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right