Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.