i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
