whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
