So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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