So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
