Me too!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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