is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
