Little spoons don't ask big questions
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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