some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
