What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
