Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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