I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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