My first STD was from a foam party
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
