I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
