He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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