yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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