I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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