then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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