just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
