apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
