Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
