return my video game
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
