Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
