Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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