Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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