You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize