I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize