How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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