Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
