I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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