I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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