Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
