I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
