My first STD was from a foam party
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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