all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
