i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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