Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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