She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
