My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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