I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
