Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
